Hi! Remember me? I’d forgive you if you forgot. I’ve kind of forgotten how to write, actually, it’s been so long. I last posted on the blog over a month ago and, in that time, I’ve had one guest post from a brand and I’ve written one guest post for another blogger. Actually, on that note, you should absolutely check out Lucy’s blog (who I wrote the guest post for) and catch up on her body stories series because it’s really wonderful.
So, yes, I’ve been fairly absent. Not just absence of blog posts but absence of tweeting and ‘gramming and pinning and everything, really. I can’t honestly explain what happened but I just woke up one day and fell out with it all.
Not in an angry way, I just felt absolutely indifferent and ‘meh’ about all things online. It’s not at all that I didn’t want to interact with anyone or that anything particularly happened in my life which meant that I needed to take a break, I just found that it wasn’t really working for me for a while.
I lost my inspiration to write and I scrolled through social media mindlessly, without really chatting to anyone. I decided that me posting to Instagram or the blog would be pointless and I convinced myself that nobody really engages with or likes what I post anyway. And, yes, I know that sounds incredibly dramatic, self-indulgent, whiny and a bit wanky tbh. Which is exactly why I had to stop being online, because it started to be something I never wanted it to be. I started to get too affected by what other people seemingly thought (or didn’t) about my online presence.
When I first started blogging, I was beside myself that any single person would read anything I wrote. When my readership and following started to grow, I was chuffed to say the least. I just liked having people with similar interests…that community thing I was looking for.
Recently, though, I started to lose my online voice. I didn’t understand what people wanted to read from me and I didn’t know what I wanted to put out there. Of course, the less I was online, the worse I felt about it. I stopped writing and I stopped being inspired and motivated to write, too. So, I took a break from blogging. I muted hashtags on Twitter which were clogging up my feed, leaving more of the stuff I wanted to see. On Instagram, I unfollowed a ton of people (no hard feelings?) because I only followed back out of obligation rather than a real love of the subject of their content. I removed my tracking code and stopped looking at analytics because it was, frankly, depressing.
I wasn’t completely uninspired in all aspects of life, though. I’ve actually been working on probably the most interesting, exciting thing I’ve ever worked on (for me) and I’m really happy to be sharing that with the world very soon! In some ways, I’ve never been more inspired and motivated. I just needed to figure out where that places The North Left in all of this.
The conclusion I’ve come to is this: the blog will continue to exist because I want it to. I still want the space to write and share and interact. I just needed to take the pressure off and think of it less as a business and more as a personal thing. I’ve realised that dun dun dun I don’t actually want to be a full-time blogger right now. Maybe in the future, but not in my current circumstances. I will continue to share things I love: travel, recipes, feminism, health-related stuff. There’ll be less focus on making things SEO and shareable and more focus on just writing to articulate whatever happens to be in my head at the time.
Writing for Lucy was a big part of what brought me to this conclusion. I wrote about body image and it was funny how easily the words came. I realised that was because it was something I was happy to share and it came from me. So, that’s what I need to do more of.
No take-home message from this, really, just to let you know that I’m still here! Looking forward to some chattier, less frequent posts coming soon!